The story of the last 19 hours

I misplaced my other earring.  That may not be a big deal, not because of the value of a thing, or stones, or metal but because of what it represents in my life.  I often loose earrings, nice ones, that my husband gave me.  Sometimes I don't know why he gives me jewelry since I'm so good at loosing it.  But to me the issue that stands out is that I loose things, it's a fault of mine.  I know to put a plastic stopper on the back, yet I went out in my favorite earrings without doing that.  

Not a very interesting story...yet.  The problem isn't my faults it's my fixation with things I do wrong, or embarrassing or stupid and how long I will hold onto beating myself up over these things.  Surely I've done at least as many good, kind, helpful things in my life that I never remember.  Sometimes I lay in bed and think of what an idiot I was in grade school, instead of thinking of the nice things I did.  Why do I spend so much energy fixating on the bad things?  Why do I constantly beat myself up?  Why do I constantly beat my dear husband up (with my thoughts not physically)?  

I think this has gotten worse since Coronavirus.  I know it is very important that we stay home and don't spread or catch this disease and I'm not faulting that order, but staying isolated with my own thoughts is getting difficult.  So what can I do about it?  Change.  I can change my focus and remember to fixate on the good things.  I just heard my husband's voice, he's so happy, he's playing with our dog.  That is a thing to fixate on.  

So I guess the story of the last 19 hours is the emotional reminder it has given me.  The reminder to let go.  I hope I find my earring, but if I don't, the price of the loss is worth the lesson to change my focus.