Change of Heart

Yesterday I was out on errands, driving around and listening to my favorite radio station KPFK and the Aware Show was playing, a holistically focused show.  They talked about the usual thing that probably everyone has heard, how to remove blocks in your life that prevent success, financial well-being, relationships, etc.  I don't know if everyone has heard of it, but it's like positive thinking or the law of attraction as in the book The Secret.  The concept can seem very removed from reality because it might seem to be a denial of facts.  But it's not really. It's more of a change in viewpoint.  Anyway, the host talked with the guest about her difficulties over losing business due to Covid 19. This is a total reality that she had been repeating in her mind, and she felt that this negative message in her mind was not serving her in finding a resolution to her problems.  I have to admit I didn't listen to the entire show, but the idea stayed with me all day.  There was a time period of my life from 2009 - 2012 which was very difficult for me. I suffered a lot of loss and illness, and change.  I don't like to think of it. I don't like it when people mention we did this or that in a certain year because it brings it up for me.  This time period for me is a reality, but it's also one that I repeat negatively in my mind.  I have tried for so long to figure out ways to let go of this, and I think I've finally found a new message for myself.  Yes, I've found a change of heart.  Instead of constantly thinking that was a difficult time for me, I'm going to remind myself it was a period where I learned new directions and lessons about friendship. Really, even though I was not young at the time, I became much more mature and developed emotional intelligence.  There were so many gifts, I learned to be more selective about who I had relationships with, I learned that I wanted to become more educated, I learned that I wanted to return to my earlier ambitions of being a professional artist.  I found my voice, so to speak.  It's ironic that, in reality, I lost my voice during this time because of surgery on my throat, but it's grown back.  It's different, but it's better.  I hope I can remember this!  

Critique-small thoughts on a Sunday morning

I was just thinking about critique.  As artist students, we become used to it, right?  We bring our work to classes, and everyone looks at it; most people try to think of nice things to say because no one wants to be the meany.  But honestly, I usually cringe at critiques. They set off all my anxieties.  What are people going to say?  Am I any good?  Was all my work for nothing?  Do the LIKE ME??? So childish.

Now that I'm in grad school, critique has hit a new level that I've never experienced before.  Every class includes at least 3 crits, and then there is the big committee review where the entire faculty, including people who have never seen you before, talk about your work!  Plus, because we've been online since Shelter In Place, we have to go to the extra lengths of photographing (I'm no photographer, just a painter!) our artworks and considering the presentation of art not only as an image but as an actual object.  

It just occurred to me this morning, though, what a true luxury it is to have our work critiqued and the immaturity of my previous viewpoint.  What other time in your professional life do you have the opportunity to have several professionals look at your work and tell you what they see in your work.  Whether they like it or not is immaterial, they are actually looking at your work, in a serious way, and this is a significant matter.   This is actually an honor.  And you know what?  Most of the faculty at your school will probably treat your work with the respect it deserves; sometimes, you might run across the outlier who just wants to criticize but remember that is their problem, not yours. Try to remember that.  I grew up as a dancer, I was trained to accept corrections and say thank you to my teachers. So now, as an emerging professional artist, I have to apply that lesson from dance.  

Ok, go on with whatever you were doing now! I may go paint another butterfly.

                                              

Black Lives Matter and an update

There has been so much going on over the last few weeks it's hard to decide where to jump into posting again.  I've wanted to say things because it's upsetting to see how the police treat black people in this country.  It's emotionally triggering to see and to be reminded of what it feels like to be the victim of racism.  BUT it's important to look, it's important to look with your heart and take in the pain that black people have endured and are still enduring.  It's hard to make art about anything else right now.  It's hard to talk about anything else right now.  It doesn't seem respectful to ignore it, so I won't.  Do something people, go to a protest, call your elected officials, post about racism, read a book, give some money to a group doing the work; it doesn't matter what you do to help just do it.  And change your mind.  Take responsibility for racism that exists within your own life, in your speech, racist abuse (formerly known as microagression).  I am doing this, one thing I've done is to start an anti racist book club on Facebook with some friends.  I'm proud to say we have 157 members! 

Also, something that I think should have been clear to me is becoming more obvious, let's decolonize our lives, let's normalize people of color by following them and the cool things they do on social media, buy their stuff, read fiction books and cookbooks and watch movies with people of color.  I've actually been gravitating towards tv, movies, businesses, owned by POC for a long time, but that is because I am one.  But are you white my reader?  Maybe you could do the same and normalize POC.  Remember we've been taught a perspective that the white version of everything is normal and everyone else is an "other."  Become concious of this, become "woke" as they say.  Just my suggestion...let's face it if you are a racist you won't like my blog or my art.  

                                    

So I do have some awesome personal news.  I was accepted into the MFA program at California State University Northridge.  This is a dream come true for me!  I get the opportunity to study art intensively with really amazing teachers and I am so incredibly grateful.  My plan is to take the program a bit slowly, in three years instead of two because I want to do really good work, and enjoy this opportunity.  

I also want to encourage any older people (like myself), to do the things you've wanted to all your life.  It's ok to be a student in your 50's 60's and beyond.  I spent my life being a mom, I took care of my children, and then helped raise my granddaughter before I could reenter school seriously.  

I hope you are well dear readers.  Thanks for looking at my blog, Elizabeth

List of books made by the book group:
How to be an Anti-Racist - Ibram X. Kendi
White Fragility - Robin D'Angelo
Me and White Supremacy - Layla F. Saad
The New Jim Crow - Michelle Alexander
Stamped from the Beginning - Ibram X. Kendi
Why I am No Longer Talking to White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge
So You Wanna Talk about Race - Ijeoma Oluo
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And other conversations about Race - Beverly Daniel Tatum
A People's History of the United States- Howard Zinn
The End of Policing - Vitale
The Hate You Give - Angie Thomas
Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower - Brittney Cooper
I'm Still Here:  Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness - Austine Channing Brown
Set the Night on Fire: LA in the Sixties
Just Mercy - Bryan Stevenson
Between the World and Me - Ta-Hehisi Coates
Lies My Teacher Told me - James W Loewen
The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Stolen Lives Killed by Law Enformcement
Coming of Age in Mississippi - Anne Moody
The Fire This Time - Jesmyn Ward

What are you doing in quarantine?

That's probably a question people are asking all over the place.  I can't believe we've been inside for six weeks now.  When I was hearing all the stories of quarantine in Wuhan I remember thinking of what life must have been like for all those people.  Honestly I'm uncomfortable, but I realize how fortunate I am, I have a home and a yard, and food I even have a few rolls of toilet paper.  I feel for the people who have to go to work on the bus or subway and are risking exposure, many can't afford not to work.  All the medical personnel that are risking their lives, I'm so grateful to them.

Anyway, what I've been doing is logging major studio time.  And I haven't just been painting but I've been sewing, spinning yarn, and knitting a lot.  I find that especially knitting with it's rhythmic nature to be of comfort.  There is something in the action of working with your hands that quiets the mind.  And you can find a calm inside.  You forget about the worries for a little while.  Craft is a moving meditation.

I am not kidding about logging those hours I just keep doing things even if they are ridiculous like decorating packages to be mailed.  

Art Trading card, and a handspun, handknit bag for my friend.  Which will be mailed in the decorated envelope.  Because she's my friend who reminds me to stay cheery and enjoy life in the moment.

One more thing...if you'd like to learn to knit here is some instruction I did...it's really short, I'm no youtube vlogger (not yet anyway), but it will help you learn a knit stitch.  Maybe I'll make a matching video to teach you to purl.